Trivial Ignorance

Sick and Tired of “YOLO”?

theyuniversity:

(“Only Once You Live.”)

That’s what I’ll say from now on.

MIND = BLOWN

theyuniversity:

This is what Machu Pichu in Peru looks like:

But if you look at it sideways, you get:

• Inspired by Reddit

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SO…. Now that my subject has your attention.

I need to give this story background information. As many of you know, I am a boy scout. I have been around knives for many years and always considered myself competent with them. Further, more I never thought I would have a run in with a kitchen knife. Today was not my night

My little sister called me abruptly from using my computer to inform me that dinner was indeed ready. A quick wash and a change of clothes and I was downstairs ready to gestate a delicious smelling stake. My parents decided that we needed heaps of potatoes to go with said steak because steak is not steak without potatoes. 

After eating my steak even though it was more like cow instead of steak, I stood up and proceeded to carry my dishes to the sink where my little sister would scrub and rinse then place them in the dishwasher to cover up her not so great cleaning.

It was during this travel period of post standing and pre rinsing that my knife began to slip. I thought to myself “no big deal I will merely slip my foot into the air to prevent the knife from cutting me” as I had done countless times before. Normally our knives fall handle down and just make a loud noise, which scares my small inferior dogs, and cause a great laugh.

They were not our normal knives.

No, I learned earlier that night that my mother had packed away our hereditary collection of family knives and put the sharpest, most balanced knives out to be used as steak knives. It is my belief that NASA tested this brand of knife in a wind tunnel to produce the finest cutting knife available to the public.

As the knife began to fall, my boy scout sense began to tingle as I was aware of a different sound of the knife falling. It did not produce the silent like whirr of a falling knife but created a sound of shiiinnnngee like a sword in a movie. As instinct began to move in my foot began to rise out of fear of dismemberment of a viatle toe. This upward velocity combined with the gravitational velocity of the knife combined to create a perfect stabbing situation. 

Background

I have never been stabbed, only chopped a hatchet into my thumb, which bypassed nerves and did not really hurt.

Knives are not like hatchets. They are not designed to destroy all material in front of it, but rather are designed to slice and tear. This slicing motion is why stab wounds hurt.

Back to my foot. Therefore, as the knife veered closer to my impending foot I thought what every past, present, or future soccer (futbol for my european friends) player wound do. Kick the danger away! Yes, as a true DeBeer I managed to increase the damage done to my foot by trying to fix the problem at hand, err… foot.

As the death blade honed in on my accelerated pedal extremity my foot turned from a hack-e-sac position to a punt the pall position giving less meat for the knife to wound and more of a hardened bone thing. The knife entered my skin and stuck there for a good second before ripping its way out of my foot and landing on the ground. 

As any injured animal would do, I yelled a warning yell to my fellow mates to inform them that I was injured. A yell of these sorts involves vulgar words rhyming with truck, stuck, or muck. My parents, who were dinning outside, heard this carnal yell of defeat and even though, I, their only male heir to the DeBeer dynasty was hurt, they sat where they were and ate their steak. My sister and her boyfriend, however, knew exactly what had just happened and proceed to laugh their asses off. I was able to regain conscious thought and began to hobble around looking for band-aids.

In my house you would think they would be readily available do to the accident pones my family has shown. Nevertheless, alas, they were down stairs in the basement. So I had to hop down stairs spraying (read: dripping) blood everywhere and was unable to stop the flow without the use of excessive (read: one) bandage.

This is how an Eagle Scout was able to stab him self with an eating utensil.

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