Once i was returning home
The night was spent all alone.
Dragon Con’s a nerd’s best chance
To get into a fairy’s pants.
Mithril Blade and lot’s of liquor
Didn’t let me get to stick her.
So I started heading back
With no one with me in the sack.
The night was dark and full of danger
And I was sad- I didn’t bang her.
"Tomorrow is another day
And with it I will find my lay”
So I thought as I walked,
Wondering where my friends had gone.
I looked upon our hotel room,
Late at night and full of gloom.
"Where are my friends?!
They should be back”
With thoughts of bad things that could be,
I searched the room that I could see.
"They are not here! What could have happened"
I thought of hobos with blades a-stabbin.
"I must find them" I said, aghast.
There’s one last room to check at last.
My heart dropped as water from a leaky faucet
As I opened that thrice-damned closet.
As it opened, I lost my sight.
As I looked upon the brightest white.
My fears fled with your vanity
And took with it my sanity.
My vision returned all too fast
And that is when I saw his ass.
Everything is set to go.
The pool is cleaned,
But I’m feeling low.
With hot dogs to grill
And beers to chill,
There’s much for me to start attacking.
But with all there is to do,
I can’t help but feel that
I know what it is-
my best friend’s packing.
People will drink and music will play
But without you- it’s pretty gay.
I’ve got my suit and a nice 12-pack,
But I miss your biniki’d rack.
This poem hit you right in the feels
By guilt-tripping your not-being heres.
But before my rhymes called it quits,
I had to mention your big tits.